Is it correct to consider myself asexual if I feel that way after trauma? Or will it be something temporary?
Sometimes our experiences change us on very profound levels, but these are not always permanent changes. Considering that this “asexuality” is a consequence of a traumatic experience, I would say that it is contextual and not an asexual tendency a priori (remember that asexuality is a sexual orientation and therefore relatively stable). This type of feeling is very common in survivors of sexual trauma. It’s a perfectly predictable adaptation to a profoundly negative sexual event… it’s hard to long for something that has hurt you emotionally or physically. However, if several weeks or months have passed and this feeling persists, it is best to seek psychological help to ensure that this experience does not cause more suffering or prevent full sexuality.
The person I’m with is having trouble maintaining an erection. Is it just psychological? How can I help you?
Erection problems in young people often have emotional/cognitive rather than organic causes. One way to know if it’s an organic problem or not is to check if there are spontaneous erections when waking up, for example, or if the lack of erection remains during masturbation. If it is situational, it is probably “psychological”. I put it in quotation marks because we tend to devalue psychological problems, as if they were less real, and that’s not the sense in which I use the term. Usually, the erection improves when the focus of the activity is not on penetration. Therefore, if there are erection problems, the solution may be to degenitalize pleasure, reassuring the person that we obtain pleasure in other ways. Furthermore, it is always possible to enjoy penetration using fingers or sex toys if there is no erection. The truth is that we can’t always have an erection and, even if we could, doing everything the same way can get boring. Erection difficulties, like other challenges, can be an opportunity to expand your pleasure repertoire.
I feel like I only feel like having sex 2/3 times a month. It’s normal?
Yes. There is great variability in sexual desire between people and throughout life. Not only are we different, but there are a number of contextual factors that can affect our desire. How often we want to have sex only becomes problematic when we’re with someone who wants to have sex a different frequency. Interestingly, what research has shown is that those who have sex more often don’t necessarily feel more satisfaction. It is true that, in general, having sex more regularly leads to greater sexual satisfaction, but satisfaction does not increase, on average, if we have sex more than once a week. This does not mean that all people who have sex once a week are satisfied, but on average, satisfaction does not increase significantly if they have sex 2/3 a week. Of course we are talking about statistics, which means that we erase the experience of many people. For this very reason, what matters is whether the person in question is satisfied with the frequency with which they have sex, which, regardless of that, is normal.
I have vaginal farts and when I’m with someone, I can’t come because I’m ashamed. Just alone. help!
Vaginal flatus, or queefing, are normal phenomena that occur when air is forced into the vagina, such as during penetrative sex, and is then expelled due to the natural contraction of the muscles of the vaginal wall. Some people call it vaginal wind, which I personally find very poetic, and others prefer more complex jargon, such as the “auditory passage of vaginal air”, which affects up to 69% of people with a vulva, according to a study . All this to say that, whether it applies to vaginal farts or any other expression of sexuality, it is important to pacify ourselves with our bodily manifestations of excitement and pleasure. I understand, of course, that these noisy demonstrations can be inconvenient and stressful. If this is the case, opting for positions that don’t force so much air into the vagina, namely those where the bodies are closer together or where there is less coming and going of the penis outside the vagina, can help.
Advice to relax during anal sex? It’s not always easy, which makes it painful.
Perhaps the first step is to try to locate the source of our tension. Does it have to do with our anticipating pain or not being clean, or with some moral judgment of the practice? In either case, it will be important to discuss our concerns with the other person, so that they can help to contain our fears and for us to negotiate ways to feel safe. Being vulnerable will increase trust and comfort in the relationship, which is essential to carry out a practice that leaves us hesitant. Also, maybe we need time and training. Before we consider penetration with a penis or dildo, perhaps we could first start with penetration with fingers, or with dilators, or anal beads, which allow for progressively larger insertions. Also, ideally, anal sex should take place at a time of great sexual excitement and with abundant lubrication, preferably silicone, which does not evaporate, as the anus does not naturally lubricate. These are suggestions that can help you feel more in control of the situation and help you relax and enjoy yourself.
Often when I have an orgasm I cry. How to resolve this issue?
Crying is one of many normal post-orgasm reactions. There are those who have fits of laughter, for example, and it is also normal. Orgasm can be such a powerful discharge experience that it brings us to tears. It does not imply that we have something to resolve, but that we allow ourselves to feel emotions and sensations with great intensity. The truth is that post-orgasm physical expressions are multiple and we don’t know exactly what they mean — which doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with us.
How can I tell my partner that I would like to start the practice of pegging? I’m afraid you’ll think I’m gay.
It is possible that sexual fantasies that compromise traditional gender notions are the ones that cause the most apprehension or fear. There are legitimate reasons for this, since, after all, we live in a society where toxic masculinity abounds and where we stigmatize minorities, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t common. After all, not only can anal stimulation be a lot of pleasure, but distorting traditional gender roles can be extremely empowering. Bringing new sexual behavior into a relationship can sometimes feel like it will put the relationship at risk — and sometimes it does: either because it raises moral questions for our partner, or because it’s so important to us that we can’t stand the idea. not to carry it out. We can try to anticipate possible reactions from the other party when we communicate our desires, mentally train what we are going to say and, even so, get out of our control. If our partner shows reluctance, it is important to understand why and, if she is feeling threatened, assure her that our desire is to act out a sexual fantasy with her specifically. Basically, it’s explaining that we want a different kind of stimulus, trying out another role, or whatever excites us at the moment. pegging. Explaining that it doesn’t mean that we fantasize about men, or, if that is the case, that we want to achieve it or, even less, that we are gay — if all of this is true, of course.
The author writes according to the new spelling agreement.