Sex: So much lies - and why truth is so important

Soap Operas & Stagings

So we stage whole soap operas. Because a sentence like Sorry bunny, I didn’t have an orgasm today don’t just say it like that. It might come across as not functioning properly. Not running. none. We may also give the other person the feeling of poor performance, in the sense of “You weren’t good enough”. That can hurt. That’s why we prefer to take the more comfortable route, cheat a bit, remain silent or talk things out nicely. In order not to hurt, to circumvent conflicts and discussions that may push your limits or hurt your own. Women in particular are world champions in this gentle mental process, as a study by psychologist Robert S. Feldman from 2002 shows. It still looks “timelessly beautiful”. Feldman studied how often people lie when presenting themselves. It was particularly exciting in the case of “Lust & Liebe”: it is women who lie more than men. They pretend to have plenty of orgasms and praise the Lord from head to toe to privates. Motto: “You are the best, tallest, most beautiful, horniest.” They do this primarily so as not to hurt their partner, out of consideration.

The men are different. Above all, they fib to make themselves feel better, in the sense of increased self-esteem. Motto: “Look how great, how competent, how cool and likeable I am”. So it can happen that someone who hasn’t picked up more than five or six women in his life mutates into the ultimate sex stud in his stories: “Well, I’ve fucked countless people into ecstasy, and I’ll still get thank-you letters today… “ Uh, touching. But also tricky, especially when it comes to being halfway authentic in a relationship. If we never show who we really are as sexual beings, how we want to do what we long for, what and who we are or may still be, then our partner has little chance of growing and participating. What then unites two is a sexual no man’s land in which no one dares to be who they are. Instead, expectations are always met. Somewhere I once read the following sentence: “The nice thing about the stars: They sparkle, but they don’t quibble.” Yes. In the end, it is above all the truth that creates closeness. connection and trust. And all of this also makes sex very, very happy.

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