Family life: What did the pandemic teach us?

There is a concept that expresses very clearly one of the functions of parenting: ahijar. This term makes us think of commitment, care, belonging, link, plots and responsibility. Regardless of who exercises it.

The ahijar It became a complex task when the daily life was altered and exceeded the forces of those who supported the place of the crianza, he listens to her, the question, the dialogue space and beware. Much has been said and written, in these months, about the ravages and Negative effects of the pandemic: children and parents locked up, lack of space, nerves and explosions, increased anxieties, insomnia, fear of contagion, of death.

The links by the absence of outsiders of the nuclear family, parents of separated families, grandparents, uncles and cousins ​​and also friends, schoolmates, office colleagues. A family island apart from the rest, reinforcing the feelings of soledad and distance. At the same time, so much coexistence put the privacy and intimacy of family members.

We are not isolated beings. We humanize, we grow and we live in contact with the others, not just with the closest ones. These processes are only possible in the bond tissue.

Coexistence, in confinement, forced families to review their previous operation and invent a new one: What can we do together? What potentials do we discover? The inquiries they were multiplied by concerns regarding children with fear of going out into the street and adolescents who did not leave their rooms. Parents were anxious and distraught over their own problems and those of their children and for the joint operation.

From being different and faced with a catastrophe, the need arises to do together with another, solve the problem in solidarity. Perhaps, from this doing, something new and creative may emerge: the discovery of new possibilities that nobody imagined. While there is a potential reservoir of resources in all beings, the therapies they were needed to discover them and help implement them.

The first to get creative had to be the therapists, since although many of us had experience in online therapiesIt was not so frequent with children, adolescents and with families. The results were promising and continue to encourage us to offer the possibility of conducting treatments that are highly accepted by different types of patients. Until now, we have been talking about the problems of a social group with access to housing, education and a secure job.

While the pandemic shook the whole world, not everyone had the possibility to take care of themselves, protect their children and create conditions of hygiene and health. The needy families suffered problems that exposed the consequences of their social condition, such as overcrowding, the lack of basic resources such as water and food.

We believe that this universal event dislocated us, questioned us, and dismissed certainties and predictions. We believe that it changed us and that We are no longer the same. It gave us, at the same time, an opportunity to discover and learn what is important.

Any ideas:

  • Caring for the environment and the possibility of questioning ourselves about why we are where we are and the search for solutions in the community. Psychoanalysts have a commitment to this issue, that of create awareness and that of not joining the denial regarding the responsibility that each one of us has in the treatment of the planet we inhabit.
  • The strength of the spaces social learning and in the family environment, which raise questions and generate participatory commitments.
  • The shelter of a family intertwined that tolerates differences and endures difficult circumstances, without denying the conflict.
  • Those who can prioritize encounters in terms of play and pleasure, with time, as María Elena Walsh used to say: “I want time, but time not in a hurry. Time to play, which is the best ”.
  • The family breadwinner on the part of adult figures, those who there, understand strengths and weaknesses that resist the surprising and unforeseen, which dislodges us and can produce an experience of saturation, excess, of satiety and abandonment.

What to say about the future such an unpredictable future. In reality, analysts think that we are always under construction. We are being and doing with others in a given context. In a family there are projects, plans, but everything happens in a situation, which implies the moment of each one, the whole and the social one.

All crisis or event creates a different structuring that can produce crippling fears or manageable, but it can also be a stimulus for change and the opportunity to bring about the new. We believe that the familiar and the social they constitute a bond, a continent that favors the creation of dreams and projects in common and individual.

Silvia De Grazia (MN 8,703) and Clara London (MP 396) are members of the Commission of the International Symposium “Derivas del Mundo y del Psicoanálisis. Abriendo Caminos ”2021 – Buenos Aires Psychoanalytic Association (APdeBA).

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