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Maria Man

Maria Man

That, daughter, do it right: fix the doll’s dress, it’s a little crooked. On the other hand, it’s bent. That one has a crooked leg. Oh, is that right, a little open? And the blue doll? It’s dirty. Okay, now that you’ve bathed and changed everyone, it’s time to breastfeed. Go fast, daughter, can’t you see that one is already crying? Keep learning, being a mother is like this: don’t stop!

You can’t roll, you have to do everything at the same time. Mother brain is multitasking. Did you feed everyone? It’s over. Now all you have to do is burp, brush your teeth, wear your pajamas and cuddle on your lap until you fall asleep. Oh, ok, this one is already big, you can put it in bed and sing a song. Or tell a story. Again. Again, Mom. Hahaha, again. That’s right, you’re learning, dear. You will see how delicious it is.

No, daughter, that’s not how you handle it. You have to take it with a firmer hand. Hold that boy’s head straight, for God’s sake! And turn to the other side to bathe, you won’t drop that child. You don’t know how to breastfeed, but calm down, the milk will come down and you will get it. You don’t have to cry either. You are very nervous. Then you and the child cry. It’s these hormones, it’s not like that. Calm calm. Saw it on the nets, it’s baby blues.

That, daughter. Now yes. It’s just a matter of getting used to. It really hurts, normal. Hey, didn’t you know it hurt so much? Now you know. You just can’t stop, this, keep doing it, keep going. Not for a day to pass. Do you feel like you’re so tired that you’ll never go away? Imagine, in a little while you’re already taking it out of letters. And happy with the reward. You will see: when you take a beautiful picture with this baby smiling.

Didn’t I say it would work? Little by little we are learning. Everyone very cute sleeping with the face of an angel. See? Mission Accomplished. Now it’s just a matter of tidying up the kitchen, eating a little something, taking a quick shower and falling into bed. Really fall, after a full day with the cubs. How delicious, right, daughter, being a mother is suffering in paradise.

How? Of course there’s no time to wash your hair properly and exercise and massage and shopping and sex and study and travel and work. There’s no time to do anything right! Okay, daughter, I get it, you don’t have to scream. There’s no time at all. Then you have to have a rich dad or marry a rich man or work hard to get rich and pay other women to do all that and you can get exercise and leisure and shopping and flirting and lunch with friends. You can’t have it all, life is like that. You are right. You need to take care of yourself, my daughter, you are very stressed. That way you will look ugly and your husband will leave you.

Daughter, what do you mean, what do you mean by that? No, no. You’re exaggerating, by the way, as usual. You didn’t give up much to be here. Not. You didn’t leave behind almost everything you dreamed of. Not quite. You have a beautiful family, check it out. Focus on that. What do you mean, nothing makes sense? It’s the hormones, daughter, this menopause. Why all this? What is this question, my daughter?

On Mother’s Day you will receive a little gift with flowers and a beautiful card, where it will be written, once again: You must suffer in paradise. Don’t weaken. Do not argue. Do not interfere with operations. Take care, take care, take care, be the great saint of the contemporary world and of all ancestral worlds. Don’t break the infinite thread.

And in colorful letters: Happy Mother’s Day. You are the best mother in the world.


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