Singer Luiza Possi participated in the third panel of Universa Talks 2022 with her mother, also singer Zizi Possi, and talked about what it’s like to be a daughter after being a mother. During “From mother to mother”, Luiza talked about how she changed her judgments after having children.
“It’s not easy to be judged and the judgment ends up turning into a self-judgment. My mother told me, I wasn’t a mother yet, that she only breastfed me for three months and then even had an injection to stop having milk and go back to work. I judged her, I said: ‘my God, how did she do this to me?’ Luca stopped breastfeeding when he was four months old because he wanted to. The second I couldn’t even breastfeed properly. People don’t think so”, said Luiza.
Zizi Possi also spoke about judgments and said it’s something people should get rid of.
“We live in a society in which judgment is the play of the day. We have in our minds some concepts such as: ‘it’s like that with me, if you’re doing this I don’t want to know anymore, the mother who didn’t do it is not a good mother’. We judge all the time. The biggest guilt is the guilt we have in our own judgment. This is a crazy disease, “said the singer.
Still on judgments, Luiza said that people need to understand that all motherhood must be treated as real and has its difficulties.
“People talk a lot about real motherhood, but all motherhood is real, whether with help, with a grandmother, with a nanny, in short, all motherhood is real. People talk a lot about helping mothers not to feel so much guilt, but from the By the time you talk about a kind of real motherhood, you’re already generating a huge judgment,” she said.
fear of being a mother
Mother and daughter also commented on the fear of being a mother, something that affects many people. Luiza recalled when she was still pregnant and listened to several people who read books, studied and learned about the subject. However, she advised new mothers to trust instinct. “There is an instinct to being a mother, the maternal instinct. You have to believe in it,” she said.
Zizi followed the same line and recounted an “exercise” she did while she was pregnant with Luiza.
“Do you know what I thought when I was close to having you? I remembered the puppy who had a child. Nobody taught her, aren’t you going to have a cesarean? Think of a stray dog, a stray kitten. When she’s born, she knows she has to breastfeed, what to do, so, well, it’s an instinctive thing, you have to trust your cue”, he encouraged.
Luiza pointed out that motherhood has several difficult parts, but that mothers cannot help but impose themselves. “One starts crying, the other starts crying, when things happen like this, one and the other at the same time, it becomes very difficult. The hardest part is not falling for Luca’s seduction, who is extremely seductive, and doesn’t educate him. He is so seductive that it makes you want to laugh and that’s ok. And it’s not ok, we’re talking about education and I have to impose myself”, he says.
Difference between mother and grandmother
The two singers also talked about the difference between them. Zizi praised the way Luiza acts with her children and said that “I would be her daughter”. Luiza, on the other hand, said that Zizi is her children’s biggest toy.
“The son’s biggest toy is you, mother, who dresses as Robin, he as Batman. She is fun, everyone goes crazy for her, the three grandchildren, everyone goes crazy around the ‘Bobó Guigui’. She lets him do it. absolutely everything he never let me do”, he says.
About being a grandmother, Zizi says that the beginning was not as simple as it seemed, mainly because she had to understand that Luiza was a mother and had to let her have authority. “There’s an exercise I do and it’s difficult. Everyone says that being a grandmother is wonderful, but at first I didn’t think, You watch, you can’t do anything, it makes you want to talk and you can’t, you really can’t, because the son is hers, it’s not mine. But it’s difficult, because I was used to being a mother, it’s a different attitude”, she says.
When Luiza asked about letting her grandchildren do everything, something she wouldn’t have left when she was little, “Bobó Guigui” said that “they’re papers”. “While I’m a mother, I have to take care of her education, those boring things, learning, etc.”, she said.
The two also talked about how they dealt with the pandemic, mainly because Lucca was born months before covid-19 affected the whole world. According to Zizi, the family decided to move together to the country house.
“When the pandemic started, in March 2020, Lucca was very small, he wasn’t even a year old yet. I went to my house in the countryside and decided to live there. There was that story of going out as an astronaut, wearing a diving suit to go out on the street , and supermarket and pharmacy didn’t have such a cool e-commerce scheme. I went to my country house”, he said.
According to them, however, the initial experience was not so good, which even made Luiza return to São Paulo. “We went together, fought and I came back”, she says.
According to Zizi, like most people, the family initially thought the problem would last for a short time, “about 15 days”. However, the pandemic lasted longer and the customs of each end up generating conflicts.
“In the beginning, our proposal was to spend it together, but we thought it was only 15 days. I’m a dog, but seeing a dog mixed with a child, rain, wet carpet, I get distressed. Living together is not the simplest thing in the world” stated.
Luiza said that they created some relationship rules in the pandemic and, for a period, the only people that her son Lucca knew were his parents and grandmother. “We found a relationship rule in the pandemic, the dogs don’t go, they stay and we ended up staying together a lot. Lucca, the only person he saw besides his mother and father was his grandmother”, he said.