What to do if my child is being bullied

Nevertheless, Not all actions that can hurt a child are cases of bullying. For it to be bullying, it must meet the following characteristics:

  • It must be an aggressive and intentionally harmful action.

  • It must occur repeatedly.

  • It must occur in a relationship where there is an imbalance of power.

  • It must be given without provocation to the victim.

  • It must cause emotional damage.

Some signs of bullying

What parents can see when their child is the victim:

  • They come home with their clothes/school supplies damaged

  • He says his school supplies have been lost.

  • He has wounds that he does not explain

  • Complains a lot of physical discomfort

  • does not sleep well

  • Your eating habits change

  • hurts himself/herself

  • Stays away from classmates

  • lower your grades

  • looks sad or depressed

  • He blames himself for his problems

  • His behavior changes


In addition, we must be attentive to the signs that show us that our children may be experiencing situations of anguish and stress. Manifestations can be:

  • emotional. They get frustrated, they’re anxious, they’re scared, they’re nervous. They have tantrums, feel excessive maternal or paternal dependence, have phobias.

  • Physics. They do not sleep well, they have nightmares, nocturnal enuresis, changes in eating behavior, pains (headaches, stomachaches), muscle contractions, etc.

  • Mental. They have forgetfulness, ruminant thoughts (they think about the same thing repeatedly), they cannot concentrate.

  • Of conduct. There is crying, aggressiveness, bruxism, stuttering, sweating, poor school performance, they do not want to play, they want to be alone, or they cannot be alone, they begin to lie, they show excessive reactions, etc.

What to do if your child is being bullied?

  • Comfort him and listen to him. let him speak Let it do catharsis. Talking has a sedative effect on the nervous system. If the boys can talk about what happens to them, they will be able to better handle what happens to them.

  • Listen calmly, so as not to spread anxieties, fears, frustrations.

  • Never blame our child (for example: “you must have done something…!”). No boy deserves to be bullied!

  • Try to get as much information as possible (who told you that? Where were they? Who else saw/heard what they did/said to you?)

  • Try to talk to other classmates (if possible) to see what they can contribute.

  • Do not advise him to fight.

  • Do not encourage revenge. It may not end the problem and make the consequences worse.

  • Advise him not to be alone and try to remove him from the scene, when possible. (If the episodes occur after school, try to go look for him).

  • Teach him to ask for help when he needs it.

  • Start working out some strategies and solutions. Start by identifying and defining the problem. For example: “you are walking and Lucas calls you petiso”.

  • Bullying situations can be dramatized. Practice staying calm together. This helps to adapt to the situation, understand the emotions that are generated, manage those emotions and avoid violence.

  • Practice acting nonchalant in order to “get out” if there is a risk of violence.

  • Help him visualize himself “without fear” and respond assertively.

  • Notify the school and demand measures to resolve the situation positively and in the long term (not being satisfied with “let’s talk to the kids”). Require a bullying prevention and management plan. Follow up to see how the situation is heading.

  • Try to make home a safe and warm place where you feel supported and listened to.

  • Keep communication open with your child.

  • Disapprove of any bullying or disrespect in the home between siblings or adults.

  • Encourage your child to participate in activities that build self-esteem and self-confidence. Your child should help choose activities in which he would like to participate, such as sports, clubs, musical groups: a band or orchestra or any other group in which he can create new social connections and learn new skills. We might also think about taking a self-defense class to boost her self-confidence.

  • If the situation exceeds you, please consult a specialist. Problems do not go away by themselves and our children need to feel that their family supports them and helps them to resolve these situations in the best way possible.

Many boys do not notify when they witness an act of harassment for fear that it will happen to them for “buchonando”. However, it’s important for all kids to know the difference between reporting and snooping. Inform and buchonear is not the same. Let’s see:

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To be respectful children, they must first be respected children. Self-esteem and self-confidence are essential skills for children to grow up strong and happy. As parents, we must help them develop both.

On the one hand, we can define self-esteem as the perception or self-assessment that we have about ourselves. This personal assessment can change in different areas. That is, a boy who feels her worth on the sports field may not feel it at school or at her home, for example.

Self-confidence, on the other hand, refers to capabilities, it is related to everything we think we can do. Children trust that they have the necessary skills to do this or that.

In other words, self-esteem is more related to being (I think I am valuable) and self-confidence to doing (I can do what I want).

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Kindness: Breed with common sense

Children’s self-esteem is usually very fragile and must be taken care of. A negative comment, indifference, rejection or bullying can cause children to have low self-esteem. If we help them develop their self-esteem and self-confidence, they will be able to better handle the things that happen to them.

We need to talk to them about the importance of feeling accepted by themselves, not by others. That is, make them feel their worth regardless of the other’s gaze.

Respect for themselves and for others is key to relating well internally and with others.

Author, consultant and education specialist. She is a TEDx speaker and the author of numerous books. Her latest work is La Nueva Educación (Ed Santillana, 2020). Facebook: LauraLewinOnlineInstagram: lauralewinonline

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