This second phase of surviving a narcissist is made up of painful events and experiences, of memories that I will take with me and that will attest that this type of relationship they can affect us more than we think and that it is not so easy to cut them.
Today I wonder why I did not find the strength to finish that relationship earlier. The explanation is that more than a relationship, what you have with a narcissist is a vicious cycle.
It is important to see what is the chronic pattern that is being followed. In my case the pattern started when he asked me for help and I supplied him. Sometimes he asked me for the usual five euros, other times he asked me for the car, and other times he asked me to serve as a guarantor so that he could buy one. Luckily and because I did not become an integral stupid, I was not his guarantor and I was cutting off the stream of their demands. When I said no to him, he made me feel bad and went to the comparative grievance. The most classic was this:
It’s that you have a happy life and I have a shitty life.
The truth is that with him it was not a happy life, but as soon as I got rid of this man from my life and stayed with my friends, I was much happier, and this was the beginning of the end of our strange courtship. What he needed was to be able to see and appreciate the world without him.
With him I felt exhausted the whole day, on top of everything, I realized that I had become almost as bitter as him. He ate after hours and smoked like a cart driver. I slept badly for eleven months. And I am not exaggerating. The guy couldn’t think of a better thing than to put on documentaries of tragedies, tsunamis, volcanoes devastating cities every night, when not I bet on horror movies and limbs severed at the tip of raysthe full volume. To wake up, he had chosen the song “Take my breath away”, with more decibels than conceived for a mobile. He woke up and woke me up and the whole neighborhood. Here I realized that I had no empathyThey hadn’t put it on the inside. The damn romantic song didn’t play once, no! It played 12 times because the bastard didn’t get up, but delayed the alarm. The result is that I woke up with a very bad temper, at the time that it was not my turn to get up, and I began to hate him from the moment I opened my eye, while I thought that the disgusting man was stealing my air like his damn song.
He would get up, light a cigarette, and make his coffee. His chaotic hairs, his little animal walk devising a strategy to continue abusing me, his newscast with tragedies. What caught my attention is that he He kept greeting me with a good morning, which sounded much more respectful the first day. I was hallucinating because the man did the same on whatsapp, he did not say Hello, or what else then, the guy wrote good morning, good afternoon and good night, like a butler. So snobby to say hi and so snobby to ask for money, so abusive in his own way of loving because we only had sex when he wanted, how he wanted and for as long as he wanted. This I realized over time. Because I was looking for good things in this relationship, and no matter how hard I scratched, the only thing that would get a good grade was the sex we shared. So I got hooked on that sex that he gave me. And of course, when I wanted to have it, he didn’t.
There is a scene that marked my memory. After taking him to eat at a good restaurant, and after he asked for a bottle of wine and a salad that I didn’t want, we got in the car to go to a lake. We are going with my puppy and I want to get in the water. We get into it, it makes me want to do it there, in the middle of nowhere. He tries, but tells me no, he needs a beer to do it.
I feel horrible. No sex because there is no beer? What kind of relationship is this?
We traveled for his birthday. This was final. Here he showed that his lack of empathy could be very dangerous.
I keep hoping that we can have a good time. In my memory, when I travel with friends or couples I have a great time, and I love being able to have new experiences, but with him everything becomes difficult.
“That table not because it smells like fish, I can’t walk around the field with these Armani, I don’t want to get my tennis shoes dirty because I don’t walk.”
He sabotages every one of my plans and I find myself without energy. All he wants is to drink alcohol.
We sat in a restaurant. My dog He no longer eats concentrated thanks to the fact that he has spoiled him and gives him meat or ham daily. The worst thing is that if we go to a restaurant, I am forced to buy something for the dog. That day I feel like being creative and I go and buy her a ham sandwich in the main square. When I return, I put it on my dog on the floor. He is disgusted and takes the sandwich and throws it in the trash.
When the food arrives, my tears fall. I don’t want to stand there in front of him with all his hideous energy. I get up from the table and go to the port to cry and smoke (because by that time I am already addicted to a superlative degree).
Fifteen minutes later I go back to the table. He is eating alone. Inviting the neighbors to wine. He puts some food on me and forces me to eat it. I don’t feel like it, so I don’t eat.
You are going to pay for this, I told him.
He was very clear that he was not going to pay for that offensive food.
I ask that they put everything to take away. He sits down and asks for a stronger drink. I beg you to apologize and refuse. He insists that I was wrong bringing the sandwich. He does everything perfect, I’m the one who screwed up. Classic behavior of a narcissist.
Drink and drink. I want to go to a church in town. I pay him the entrance. He comes out twenty minutes later, saying he had a lot to talk to upstairs. Also, leave 20 euros at the door of the church that you will surely need later.
We get in the car, he gets out and I watch him go to a bar. I have to get out of the car and take it off the bar. He smokes in my car, something I hate.
We arrived at the hotel amid shouts. He says he’s going to keep getting drunk and that he’s going to take my car.
I hide the car keys in a shoe. I get the anxiety that the car is taken without my permission and ends up crashing on that road.
He opens a few cans of beer and says if I don’t let him go it will be a birthday shit.
Let it be, I think. That day I begin to understand that I am with a person that I detest.
I kiss him good night, incredibly I would like to vent the tension with sex. We don’t get it He bites my breast and jumps me to the bathroom to see if I get blood.
I sleep on the sofa, I begin to feel that it would be wonderful to leave him lying there, I take the dog, my suitcase and my car and leave him there like a criminal.
I wasn’t ready to do it, that came later.
* The opinions expressed in this text are the sole responsibility of the author and do not represent Pulzo’s editorial position at all.